Worried

I graduated from college in June 2011 and I have yet to find a job. At this point I'm not even looking for one in my major. But I would rather get a job as a receptionist then a waitress or retail because as a receptionist I will at least feel like I have a "real job" and I won't feel like such a failure. I have been applying to many receptionist jobs online but I am going out tomorrow to the actual offices of the places I applied to so I can hopefully talk to someone in person and they can see I am really interested. I have been praying so hard and I have been trying to keep the faith but I feel like God is not listening. I really need a job and it's not like I'm not trying. I am. So here is my cry to God, my plea...

PLEASE. PLEASE LET TOMORROW BE THE DAY. MY DAY. THE DAY I GET A JOB. THE DAY I CAN FINALLY CALL MY PARENTS AND TELL THEM THAT I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE OFF THEM ANYMORE. THAT EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T GET A JOB IN MY FIELD THATS OK, BECAUSE FOR NOW, A RECEPTIONIST IS JUST AS GOOD. I WILL TAKE A SPANISH CLASS AT NIGHT IF NEED BE. I WILL WORK HARD SO PLEASE GOD, PLEASE LET TOMORROW BE MY DAY. PLEASE COME THROUGH FOR ME. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT SO,SO MUCH. PLEASE.

If you read this blog and you're the praying type, please pray for me. I'm trying not to doubt God. I'm just worried that my future is full of nothing. And I'm worried I'm going to fail. I need this job. If I don't get one soon I'm scared of what I'm going to do. I'm scared for my well-being. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. Part of me is frustrated with God. Can't He see I'm drowning? If I'm trying why can't He help me? why can't He come through for me? I need Him. I need His help and I feel like He is pressing the ignore button. And I don't know how much more hopelessness I can take. I need faith, I need Him, I need a job. Please Lord, here my cry.

Living life by the book... what's the point?

All my life I have tried to do the right thing, to do what was expected of me. I lived life "by the book" so to speak. In High School I never skipped a class, I went every day even getting an award for perfect attendance. I didn't drink or do drugs or party. I obeyed my elders and was polite. I did things to make my parents happy, my teachers happy, even if it meant I wasn't happy.

After I graduated High School I went to college. Again, I went to class, I studied, I got good grades. I drank some and smoked a little pot but I never let it get out of control or interfere with school. I did two internships and graduated a semester early (I would have graduated 2 semesters early but I took a semester off to do one of the internships full-time because they were paying me.

So I did what I was supposed to, and for what? I still don't have a job, I don't have a boyfriend because I was too busy worrying about school and my grades and making my parents happy that I missed out on a social life. Or even if a guy did ask me out I would say no because I knew my parents would not approve of him. I said no because It was the "right thing" to do, the "smart thing" to do.

So my question is... what's the point of doing everything we're supposed to? Because even if you try your best and play by the book and follow the rules, life doesn't always work out. You don't always have the upper hand by doing the right thing as we are so often taught growing up. I feel like I missed out on what was supposed to be the best years of my life… All because I was doing what was expected of me. And yet, I have nothing to show for it. At least the people who went crazy in college have good stories to tell. Even if they don't have jobs they still have stories.

And is it worth it-being responsible? Because if take your vitamins and pay your taxes and never cut the line, the universe still gives you people to love and then lets them slip through your fingers like water, and then what've you got? Vitamins and nothing.-Grey's Anatomy

Words to live by.

“I try to live life so that I can live with myself.”

A new change for 2012

I dyed my hair brown today. Normally I'm a natural redhead. (I'll pause while you come up with your not so clever, witty redheaded humor I have heard my entire life)... are you done? Good. Well anyways as I was saying I am now a brunette. I needed a change for 2012. So here is to a New Year, brunettes and the apocalypse killing us in... o, about 350 days, 8422 hours, 505345 minuets and 30320677 seconds.

2012..here we go.

“And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been."